RULES OF THE SEXUAL ROAD

Dirty puddles.

I’ve been meaning to fill you in on some of the fucked up Jamaican sexual customs. So here’s a little cultural insight into the ins and outs of the ins and outs.

Here’s a short list of the peculiar customs and habits…

1) They DO NOT swipe. Swipe means rug muching/pussyeating/ pussy licking/ oral sex on a female. And it’s not just the men who HATE even the idea of it, but the women apparently are disgusted by it. If someone was to attempt doing it, they might get kciked in the face.

So ladies count yourself lucky you live in a country where facefucking is not just accepted, its a given, a god given RIGHT

2) If a girl tells you they have a BOYFRIEND, that just means its a non serious deal where they are free to fuck around. If its a more serious deal then they will refer to their partner as THEIR MAN, but they are still not fully closed to the idea of screwing around.

3) Everybody has kids. Everybody. No matter what age. It’s normal, and they will have kids from many different men, and with many different women.

4) It’s not just normal, but considered polite to offer your sister to your friends.

6) NO ONE MASTURBATES…apparently. All the jamaican dudes we have asked said they would NO WAY HAVE A WANK, and if they needed to relieve themselves then they would just pay for a prostitute.

7) Paying for sex, ie. prostitutes, is considered very normal. When a couple of guys here fucked prozzies at that gnarly go-go bar, we told all the Jamaican locals on monday what they did because we thought it would start a whole new line in abuse for them. But no they shrugged like “and…your point is?”

However, when we told them a dude was almost caught wanking once, all the Jamaicans went crazy and haven’t dropped the matter since.

8) Phat azzz=fucking huge fat bottom=Jamaican love.

They love fattties. So much so that all the young girls look great but aspire to be the chunkiest women they can be because all the dudes adore it.
The guys are destroying paradise but insisting on fat bottom girls.

9) If a girlfriend/partner/wife ever told me they were going on a holiday to Jamaica without me, I would dump their ass right then and there. All white girls want when they come here is to be fed the legendary big black cock. The Jamaican dudes know it and make a fairly good sexual career out of fucking the living daylights out of a different white tourist everynight.
It’s really really blatant on both behalves

10) Gay is totally unacceptable here. Even the mention of gay gets Jamaican dudes angry. Make a gay joke and they will stare at you and figure out how to hurt you. Jokingly call your buddy a gay and he will get beaten up. Jokingly call a jamaican gay then expect to get killed. Simple.

11) However, Jamaican dudes love to get their hair did, fresh clothes done, wear accesories, check themselves in the mirror every two minutes, love being centre of attention, love dancing, and bitch. At home this kind of activity is called being a poofter

12) Daggering -an activity performed at night in a club or dance which can tenuously be called a form of dance. Basically imagine you and the chick you are dancing with are butt naked and you are both trying to anger fuck the shit out of each other.

oh 13) If you’ve hissed at a girl and they only have a boyfriend, and you wanna take things further, expect to be called at 7am the next day.

Apparently this is the national standard for acceptable time to ring up and have a good yarn to get to know each other instead of going for coffee. This is the Jamaican equivilant.

So there you have it. Very different.

Now your thinking, what a dirty bastard, however, i can assure you all of this was gleaned from talking with friends and acquaintances here. In no way did I really find out these things first hand. I mean, why would you want to after reading that list?

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3 thoughts on “RULES OF THE SEXUAL ROAD

  1. Pingback: 104bronson » Wednesdays With Who?

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