ABUSE OR SELF-HARM?

So I gave up bashing specific brands and products once Whistler Diaries.com went pop. No reason, besides there’s people doing it far better out there, such as this young lady. So before I go any further I want to make one thing clear, no matter how much I’m about to slate this particular bicycle, just remember that the abuse is in fact aimed solely at four of my now former friends. I say former friends because up until very recently I would of trusted them with my life, but now their vital decision making capacity has come into question once all four of them bought GT Sanctions.

Since the very first day I knew each of these guys there was one simple thing that we had in common. Well we had lots of things in common, thats why we were all such good friends, but even if we had all ‘changed’, fell out with each other, or couldn’t see eye-to-eye, there was one thing that we would of all still been able to bond over. And that was that we all thought GTs in more recent years had become a joke. 

But I haven’t seen these guys since May 10th 2009, and since then they have undergone some awful character changing, soul robbing, life sucking personality make-over.

Before I move onto the specifics of their crimes then I feel it may be necessary to just tell you a little about each of them.

Tim Ceci, a 6 foot something orange streak, possesses the ginger female capacity to unexpectantly spaz out over the mundane or suddenly throw his toys out of the pram in a fit of confusion. However 90% of the time (this figure is debatable) he is a perfect family dog. Like a Labrador he is friendly, companionable, cuddly and always up for a game of catch the stick or chase the skater. Mans best friend, up until he goes and buys a GT Sanction. He part owns a bike shop which this year started selling GTs (simply so he could piss off a certain other ‘character’ of Queenstown) so a tiny part of me understands him biting the bullet and riding a GT Sanction. But that part of me is so small I lost it years ago down the back of the sofa or in the lost sock laundry pile.

Of the four guys in question, I’ve known Simian ‘Ginger Si’ Smith the longest. He holds the title as the “Most Eccentric Man in Mountain Biking™”, which would make you suspect that he may have a strong tendency to throw a character curve ball out there once in a while. However it’s exactly because he is so weird that he has attained a level of predictably. You know he is going to do something weird all the time, but never dangerously weird. He isn’t ever going to rape a baby, or shoot up a school hall of teenagers, or buy a GT Sanction…so i would of thought. Now i’m not so sure. 

Paul Angus, a solid guy. When he gets something in his head he sticks with it. I mean the guy gave up booze a few years ago because he wanted to heal a broken leg in the shortest possible time. Which he did. Then he stayed off the booze because he wanted to win the BrakeBurner event. Which he did. Then  he is still off the booze simply because he has gone so long so doesn’t want to break his own record of abstinence. Good damn he is stubborn and unshakeable. You always feel you know where you are with Da Pang because it takes him years and years to change course once he has set sail, sort of like the worlds largest oil tanker, but a tanker that has been left in a dry dock. Well maybe Pang started drinking again because he has done what only happens to good mean on their stag night, waking up naked, tied to a lamppost, and with a credit card receipt for a GT Sanction.

Then the last person to buy into the insanity is Matt Weir. A Scotsman. No nonesense, straight down the line, says what he sees, black and white. Last week we had a lengthy conversation and we did talk at length about the peculiar proliferation of GT Sanctions. I clearly remember (even though I was several large measures up on a fine tipple of Tequila) him berating the previous three for buying into the mess of failed GT frames and warranty woes. Then today I hear he has gone and ordered one himself. I only say ordered, maybe it’s not too late to help him change his mind. Matt if your reading this, please please please for the love of Dog stop the madness.

If you know anyone afflicted with this form of rampant psychosis and hysteria then drop me a line so we can work together on this problem.

Tune back tomorrow where I peel apart the GT Sanction advert that appeared in Spoke Magazine recently. For reading material then go get yourself  a copy and check out the embarrassing mess on page 15 and try spot the mistakes.

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2 thoughts on “ABUSE OR SELF-HARM?

  1. Aw Seb, dont be like this……… we love each other man…………

    Please dont change the locks? I promise, i wont slag you off about your ‘larger than average’ wheels!??!!??

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