Das Uber- D kicks off the second year of the Queenstown franchises League of Gentlemen
The self proclaimed BEST SERIES OF EVENTS TO HAPPEN IN THE OTAGO SOUTHERN LAKES REGION, almost known as the League of Gentlemen not-race series, kicked of its second year of events on the 3rd December 2009 in Queenstown, New Zealand.
Press release from the wandering office of the League of Gentlemen.
6th December 2009
The first race of the calendar was the Das Uber-D, a simple race that is one better than a Super-D race, simply because.
Like all League of Gentlemen events the rules are delightfully simple. Firstly, the entry fee is a nominal cost of $2 to encourage participation even from the lower classes of dirtbag mountain bikers. Secondly, riders were responsible for their own timing. This means far less hassle for the organizers, but also means that all results are arbitary and therefore useless. Meaning a lowered competitive nature to the races. The mantra throughout is “Cheaters cheat themselves”.
The format was unchanged from last years two previous Das Uber-Ds. First riders had a giant pedal up (or push) to the start line before they have even started the shenanigans. Starting on top of Bobs Peak, which shadows downtown Queenstown, racers then plummeted down a devilish combination of awesome singletrack trails which were spliced with repeated lung busting thigh tearing sprints (or jogs in many cases) back uphill, before finally ending their pain in the mighty Revolver Bar.Racers made their way to the very top of Bobs Peak, signed on, and started their own timers and started whenever they felt they were ready or had drank enough pre-race beverages.
Boys and girls set off old school style down the fire road due to Zip Trek still beavering away making giant tree houses. Using same track as last year Dans, uphill, Rock Garden, uphill, Pink Bits, uphill, then V-Line and into the new Turd Sandwhich which is an awesome new section of tight flowy single track (crafted by the Alliance and finished just in time for the event) then out to Original and down to the bar any way the riders decided. Some opted for a street huck down the Mann Street steps whilst others Trek tucked down the promenade and onto Shotover Street, before running up the Revolver Bar steps with their bikes and downing a beer before they could stop their clock and claim to of finished the race. Which means a certain Mr Paul Angus is still on the clock. Many Dirt readers will remember Clan team member and former hell raiser Pangus, probably from the time he threw up on your shoes or split Whiskey down your best shirt whilst swaying his way across the dancefloor after a race. However it seems Pangus has become a squirrel and survives of just nuts and beans nowadays.
Newly transplanted to Queenstown and whiniest man in Gloucestershire, Mark ‘Webbo’ West got the fastest self-time, possibly because he only got taught to use a watch moments before the race started. Webbo post race quote via facebook, “I pedaled hard, braked fuck all, lungs hurt the following morning, nearly vomited in the pub.” Ginger Si (The Most Eccentric Man in Mountain Biking™) got the slowest time. When asked what his excuse was he said “Ooooouuuugggghhhhhh! Huck! Mega! Exquisiiiiitteeeee! Ah mate!”, whatever that is supposed to mean.
A good few ladies turned up with times of “speed of sound” and “speed of light” recorded, but I imagine they only turned up to get a grope of Seb Kemp. Fortunately for their boyfriends he wasn’t there.
The legendary Revolver Bar was packed to the rafters with bikers and bikes. Big thanks to Jono for pouring pints faster than most riders could down them, and to Matty for filming it all for posterity. If you are in Queenstown then check out there jam packed live entertainment schedule. Revolver Bar, Queenstowns premier live entertainment venue.
The invasion from Invercargill is on as well with Pete Miller bringing a van load with his aim to clock up most KMs travelled out of all people there!! That’s a 350km round trip. For a $2 not-race!
Graeme Cooper, the Queenstown LoG franchise holder and race organizer, had this to say, “Fucking hell Seb, I thought you promised me loads of female attention if I did this. I didn’t get a scratch. Anyway, the event was a total success (other than me not getting successful) with over 60 riders turning up and none of them got killed or puked up on the bar.”
Other random quotes from participants:
“Das Uber D = Uber stuffed…I cant wait for it to come around again next year and sticking to some regular drinking I recon I’ll be able to shave a good few seconds on that beer.”
Luke McCombie – Norco sponsored dirt jumper and owner of the tightest sidepipes.
“I was bloody smashed I was after that race. One whiff of that beer and I was on my back. But that’s no change eh?”
“Errrr…jiggigy wiggidy woodsy upsy turveyy mumble mumble mumble…meet me for a poutine”
The next event in the Queenstown League of Gentlemen calendar is the Really Railing Rally Race held at the 7Mile trails on 17th December at 7pm. $2 entry. Bring your swimming costume for post race dips in the lake gentlemen. Ladies, you know the score.
Author: Seb Kemp/Graeme Cooper