Press Release from the newsdesk of Concerned Freeriders Conservation Association. 31st March 2010.
Conservationists are warning that the recent release of Mantlelope back into the North American race circuit could prove to be a short sighted move that may end up decimating native shrub and race tape.
Last weekend a single Mantlelope was taken from its rearing pen and deposited in to the 1st round of the Fluid Ride Cup in Port Angeles. The Mantlelope was thought to of been extinct since October ’09 when the closure of the Whistler Bike Park meant it’s natural habitat was bought and redeveloped by ruthless property developers into what has been dubed as ‘a winter wonderland for ski families’.
A single sample of the Mantlelope was held in the Dunbar Cycles cryogenic freezing laboratory in Vancouver. Throughout the stasis period doctors have been pumping the sample with protein to make it strong and making the frozen fetus listen to Swedish death metal in order to make it fast. The last remaining Mantelope was named Adam by the doctors and scientists that assisted its rebirth as a wink to that other first Adam.
Mantlelope is being released back into the wilds of the downhill race circuit because scientists believe this larger predator will reduce the number of Troy Lee clad grommets attending races. The untested theory is that Mantelope will attempt to sleep with their mothers in the race pits and therefore make the grommets scurry off in horror.
Conservationists however are calling for closer checks and balances on the number of Mantlelope in the wild because they fear the Mantlelope does have a propensity to devastate the native shrubs that can be found on the sides of downhill race courses when it self-destructs on it’s race run.
Adam Mantle seems to have this crazy idea that if I put his photo up on 2FLAT then it would make him famous. I should of reminded him that this page gets less hits than Tiger Woods did when his ‘wife’ finally had enough of his ways.
I asked Adam if he had any new hair products about to be released, a new workout video in the pipeline or anything else that would warrant me putting a picture of him up in the face of the internet yo. He said no. Which is exactly why I have gone and put a picture up of him. See below.
Adam ‘Mantlelope’ Mantle back in the glory days of Baywatch.
Love you Adam, can’t wait to hang out again.