A prayer to all the ladies in the world

Last week was the Charlie’s Angels race in Whistler. 250 women, two days of racing (DH first day then XC the next), a spa night, and a 70s disco. All the ingredients for a good time, but there always needs to be a little bit extra.

The picture above is of two of the volunteer Bosley’s ‘marshaling’ the DH race. A site that blew the minds of several unsuspecting Bike Park tourists who stumbled across the proceedings. I had the honour of giving the prayer before the XC race. This is what I came up with:

The path of the righteous woman is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the cynical Facebook sprackers and the tyranny of those who steal the sign to the Golden Door.

Blessed is she who, in the name of good will and the Howe Sound Women’s Center, shepherds the panic stricken through the Whistler valley to the Golden Boner. For she is truly her sister’s keeper and the finder of Lost Lake lambs.

Each bitter ascent and onerous pitch soothed by the gratifying and ignominious presence of an unclothed marshall. Upon that corner and past the Love Boat, over Markle’s madness and down Zappa’s musings, all gentlewomanly conduct leads to great stirrings of revolutionary ardour.

And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison the sanctity of cordial competition by indulging the competitiveness of their sisters with calculated Strava training, dishonorable maneuvers and the mewling of “if only”.

And you will know his name is Tony Horn when he lays his vengeance upon thee by announcing next years race will be even more treacherous.

Amen, and a woman.

Thanks to Tony Horn, WORCA, and the Bosley’s and the happy, excited, outgoing ladies who entered.

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